I had known for a long time that my marriage was over. But when the moment arrived to begin the actual divorce, I was lost. I was sitting right where many of you are; fingertips poised over the keyboard trying to figure out which lawyer would be the best fit. I did not make a good choice when I made my first selection. But I had never been in that position before, had no idea what to look for. To have the best outcome, choosing the right attorney for your situation is crucial.
My thought process was to find a female (felt safest to me) who was experienced as a divorce lawyer. I wanted a sympathetic ear that could get the job done. Those are good attributes but only scratch the surface when considering a lawyer. I should have looked at their expertise, first and foremost.
When researching and selecting a lawyer, don’t pick one that has a huge list of fields as the specialty. That’s like going to a general practitioner and expecting the doctor to know how to do knee surgery. Pick a family law lawyer that specializes in divorce, with subcategories such as high conflict divorce, high asset divorce, property division, legal separation, parenting agreements. Select a lawyer that is best tailored to your specific situation.
Also consider if your split has been amicable or high conflict. This really informs what type of lawyer will best for you. Not considering this when looking for a lawyer was my biggest mistake. Sadly, things would have been a lot easier and less painful if I had known this one detail. An attorney that specializes in high conflict divorce will know how to manage a contentious, conflictive spouse. Having an attorney who can manage this type of personality will make the process go a lot more smoothly.
Other things to consider are the potential attorney’s retainer and/or hourly fee. Attorney’s typically do not offer a payment plan, so consider using a service like Affirm, or having money already put away for unforeseen expenses. The retainer will be used to cover case-related expenses going forward. In my research, most consultations were free. If not, make sure to that fee will be put towards your legal expenses and is not just stand-alone.
Make sure that your intended lawyer is available and engaged. They should be consistently available and not overwhelmed by a large caseload. My first lawyer was so inundated with cases that she stopped getting back to me. While this may not be something that immediately comes to mind, it’s very important that your case is receiving the attention it deserves.
Finally, trust your instincts. After interviewing a few lawyers, you will get a good sense of who you feel comfortable with and if they are a good fit for you. This person will not be your friend, but it should be someone you can rely on and can speak with about a variety of personal matters.
I was naive and not well-informed about what to look for in a good lawyer. I wish I’d had better resources and support. I hope you can use this information to find a lawyer that will help you through your divorce process in the best way possible. This is an overwhelming situation but can also be a time of empowerment that will lead you to freedom. Stay the course, ask the questions. You will make it through.
Heather
There have been so many times since my divorce, that I’ve said to myself “I wish I had done things differently….if only I’d known.” I can’t turn back the clock, but I can teach you these valuable things I’ve learned. I hope it will spare you the frustrations and sadness I’ve experienced.
My name is Heather. I’m a divorced mother of four who successfully divorced a narcissist. I’m here to help you by sharing all the little things I learned along the way. I look forward to being your guide with a little bit og humor and ALOT of honesty. Welcome.
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